Mapping the Geography of our Hearts and Affections {Remembering the Girl Who Sings}

I'm often asked if I want to return to the West. If the pressures of city life have squished us too far, if we have tired of apartment living, of navigating the urban grid and all the challenges that come with city life in general. 

Do I Ever Just Want to Go Home?

The answer is yes. Every. Single. Day.

And  the answer is no. Because somehow my life has become much greater than my own preferences and affections- and I'm even forging new ones.

The video shown above is my valley. It feels like home. Always. It is constant and full of my history- full of my family's history for several generations. Those mountains? They orient me. I never realized how much I relied on them to know north and south, east and west. I never realized how much I relied on them to know myself. . . . not until I'd left and seen that most of the world offered an endless expanse of flat land. Directionless. 

The geography in this valley is my comfort. Plucked from it, I have experienced a sense of loss, of being lost even. Without a compass, without sign posts and markers to map the way- how does one orient their heart? 

Where is our true north?

Taking a good look at what we long for is a great indicator of what we put our hope in, of what we cling to, what we defend at all costs. . . . . and where we direct our affections. I've had to ask myself what holds my affection most- what is my first love? Often, the answer has been whatever is known. In my past, in places I hold dear, in people I love. Then the whisper comes. . . "love the Lord will all your heart." Is Christ my first love? Is my home and rest and hope and satisfaction in him? 

There is only one love that will truly fulfill and make me sing. Our voices, our personalities and our passions are squelched when our hearts are restless, chasing after anything else to be anchored by.

We will never be free to say yes, to venture, to embrace, or to journey with God, until we let go. The prayer of my heart has become a song lately. Embrace and let go is the rhythm beneath the melody.

"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, where we walk upon the waters, wherever you would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander. . .that my faith would be made stronger in the presence of my Savior." -Oceans

I want to live wildly, and among the wild, because that is my calling- it's part of my story. 

I must choose whether to orient my heart to the past or to the story God is writing for me- however uncomfortable that makes me! 

This song has me asking- can I be called out to live in wild places for the benefit of others? My son also makes an appearance as the little boy running through the woods in this video. . . Thanks times a million to Andy Mineo for inviting him to take part in sharing the message of your music!

And that I may never forget that where I am right now is exactly where God has me. And maybe you too friend? 

What do you long for that keeps you from living life fully right where you are?

Where can we give thanks together for where God has you right now? What might the Spirit be nudging you to release to him so that you can take hold of something greater?

Praying that we may each rightly embrace what God has given us today-and let go of what grips our hearts and keeps us from a song of freedom. It's in that space that our true home starts to be seen to us as beauty. 

So thankful you are here,

Kristen  

Build- A-Bear Comes to FAO Schwarz!

Last Friday, my darling girl and I were able to take a tour and fully experience the grand opening of the Build- A- Bear Workshop inside of the iconic FAO Schwarz toy store here in Manhattan. The ribbon cutting event benefitted the Madison Square Boys and Girls Club and as their chairman shared about his heart for them, the faces of these children, able to walk through the new store and take a special bear home, simply lit up! It doesn't get much better than seeing a roomful of adult volunteers and parents speak encouragement into children's lives and share the experience of creating a special bear along side them. 

After the ribbon was cut, it was our turn to see this new store for ourselves! This Build-A- Bear workshop is the first of its kind in digital innovation. Always big on the experience and memories made by guests within the Workshop itself, Build-A-Bear has implemented features throughout the store that bring this brand into a new era of technology, but will feel right at home to kids growing up in the age of the ipad.

The first step is to pick which animal you'd like to take home. Right now, there are heaps of options that celebrate the holidays, from Santa, to Rudolph and Frosty, as well as the traditional bears, bunnies and monkeys.

Next, children select a heart and add in all sorts of lovely qualities like, they'd like to embody their new friend. Our monkey happens to be happy, playful and sporty. There was also a station to add in sounds or even recorded messages. 

I'm sharing the rest of the story over at The New York Mom today. Join me there by clicking over?

Trick-or- Treat For UNICEF and Disney's Laura Marano!

Halloween has got to be one of my very favorite holidays- especially in New York. Its always been a sweet time for our family to connect with neighbors while we walk together or share cider, love on kids that otherwise wouldn't likely knock on our door, and ooh and ahh at the creativity of kiddos walking past us on the street. In New York, there seem to be block parties everywhere, streets where neighborhood associations have blocked off traffic so kids can walk safely... and these groups go ALL OUT to make it a great adventure for kids. I found myself overwhelmed by the gift they gave our kids this year- one group of guys dressed as mad scientists had even set up a table with glowing "potions" and slime for the kids to play with and they looked truly delighted by the experience! Other folks had decorated the fronts of brownstones to the hilt...it all made for such a fun night! 

This year, was also special because we were Trick- or- Treating with a cause! We were so honored to get to kick off the celebration with a focus on helping under priveleged children alongside one of our favorite Disney stars- Laura Marano! We joined The Moms and other bloggers at Dylan's Candy Bar in NYC to teach our children about how they can be empowered to help other kids on Halloween by raising funds for UNICEF's programs that provide clean water, nutrition, immunizations and education to children around the world. I was so moved by the message UNICEF shared and loved watching my own children come alive to the reality that they had the ability to do something to help others in a simple way. To learn more about UNICEF's programs and how you can get involved, click on the logo below and join us! Hope you had a great Halloweenie!

xx

Kristen

On Creating Sacred Space

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 In my adult life I have lived in three different countries and the Pacific Islands. I’ve settled into eleven different homes in my thirteen years of marriage.  (Really. Eleven!) After all the moves, all the starting over and after being the “new girl” again and again, I’ve come to to long for places that are familiar, that anchor me in time and space, places that nurture a sense of safety and stability. I’ve come to long for home  in the deepest parts of my heart with an ache I can only just begin to describe with words.

When our family moved from Germany to the United States, my husband and I found ourselves back in our hometown, rather penniless and rather tired… and right in the middle of the dry season. The caramel yellow of the hills and the constant dust seemed to echo a fatigue that matched our own. We had lived in a 12th century hunting castle in Bavaria, steeped in rich community on a missionary base, and I found myself often longing for the green of the hills that surrounded our small village, for the food and shared tables and quiet of the country. Among the strip malls and billboards of the western United States, I craved the sights of old architecture: churches and buildings lovingly updated and restored through the centuries, looking forward, but not quite letting go of the past. My oldest was just two years old at the time and in my days of caring for her and entrenched in the mundane tasks of setting up a new home that I wasn’t very fond of, I sensed a growing discontent with my surroundings, with relationships, with our pauper circumstances- it all felt so bland and gray a little hopeless.

My daughter and I had visited all the libraries, parks, pools and riverbanks I could remember from my own childhood and on a lark, I decided to do a bit of exploring.  I was on a quest, really, willing myself to find something that would stir excitement.  We found ourselves at a small French bakery I’d enjoyed visiting in high school. Appropriately named The Anjou for its location nestled in the heart of a beautiful pear orchard, the scene was idyllic!  The bakery had transformed an old barn into a haven, with a front porch lavished in flower pots and the sweet smell of fruit ripening in the orchard to engulf our senses.  I was captivated by the simple beauty of the place as we savored butter croissants and patted the head of the resident old lab, Fritz.

At that very moment, something awakened in my heart. I became aware of the lime green patio furniture and the contrast it brought out in the grooves of the old slab floor, my baby girl’s dimpled hands seemed softer than ever as she held on to me, and her laughter was infectious as she played with the dog that was bigger than she was. The sun in our eyes lit up that space and I drank in every single drop. I felt at home, not in memory or association, but in a sentimental feeling, in the connection that was knit between the beauty of this bakery and my own personality. 

This physical place had an unspoken ability to nourish my soul and fill it with beauty and light at a time when everything else felt as dry as the hills. 

Just being there felt right, and for the first time in weeks, I saw my life through a lens of beauty and hope, instead of dust . . . . .Read the rest HERE

Remembering 9/11

Origininally published September 11, 2011

This is a picture from my window of the memorial lights for the Twin Towers on the Eve of the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks. 

Ten years ago, I was waking up with my six month old, groggy from a night time feeding, cuddling and cooing as I touched her button nose and she giggled back. We were preparing to leave my parents’ home after an extended weekend visit and my mom had left for work before we could say goodbye. She called four or five times before I realized I should answer her phone. 

“We are under attack, my building is on lockdown, turn on the tv.” I remember asking what on earth she meant, under attack by a gunman? This was only a couple years after the Columbine shootings, and new procedures had been set in place at her school. Any other attack was inconceivable to me. It just didn’t seem in the scope of possibility at all. She was crying now, “The Pentagon has been hit, the World Trade Center, there is another attack heading toward the White House.” I went absolutely numb. I woke my husband, relaying what I could, and I only remember the look of shock on his face and that I have never seen him move so fast. 

When we turned on the television, we watched as the second tower was hit, watched them both collapse; saw the fire of the Pentagon, prayed wildly as the last plane crashed in the field. We held our daughter close, so thankful for the responsiblity we had to keep calm for her, to play and have our responses tempered by her presence. I remember the relief when my parents and sister arrived back home and the safety I felt in having us all together. 

Ten years ago, I never imagined New York to be a place I would ever live, a city I would ever call my city. And yet, now, I hold it so dearly, call it my own, have a chosen affection placed here. As we unpack the events of 9/11 for our children, it is no longer in the context of an attack on America that ignited war, but it is something that happened in their city. They have walked through ground zero, frequented a hot dog vendor on Fulton street, tilted back their heads and imagined the towers in the open air space that is forever changed. They have met survivors and the seen the memorials of fallen FDNY on our block right alongside pieces of the WTC they can reach out and touch. And now, they have looked out their window to see the beams of light and the memory of what their view might have looked like a decade ago. 

In many ways, although they can’t remember, their understanding is so much more personal and I am praying today that I will respond well, answer well, not share too much…but just enough, and help them love their home and city and remember in their own way. 

Freefall to Fly

"Every woman is in some way searching for or running from her beauty and every man is looking for or avoiding his strength. Why? In some deep place within, we remember what we were made to be, we carry with us the memory of gods, image bearers walking in the garden. So why do we flee our own essence? As hard as it may be fore us to see our sin; it is far harder still for us to remember our glory. The pain of the memory of our former glory is so excruciating, we would rather stay in the pigsty than return to our true home." -Brent Curtis and John Eldredge in "The Sacred Romance"

​Rebekah and her cutie family in NYC

What makes your heart sing? What is that one thing that you love to do, that stirs your heart and makes you feel alive? Whatever it is, its something God placed in you, as he delighted over you, as he wove you together in your mother’s womb- it is, as Rebekah Lyons calls it, “your birthright gift.” Did you know you had one? Sometimes as moms, in the busy years, the years with tug a pull and very, very little margin, we can forget those gifts were ever even there. We can forget who we truly are.

I’ve spent a good long while in seasons that felt too busy to breathe, too dark to see any light. They felt crushing and I felt so alone, so far from what I thought my life would be like. At the time I couldn’t imagine any other mom felt like me, so out of control and displaced, a bit lost and beat down, a little too shabby to cultivate the dreams that had been stored up in my heart.

It is still a rare delight when a story feels a part of my soul almost instantly, when before I’ve finished the prelude, I’m already in tears as I nod and agree and see some of my own story woven in the fabric of words expressed. Freefall to Fly was one of those rare delights. Rebekah Lyons shares her own journey of her family’s move to New York City, her own struggles of how anxiety and fear began to lead her into a downward spiral that ultimately led to total surrender to, and a tender rescue by a loving Heavenly Father.

I'm so thrilled to share the journey of this life before the Lord with my sweet friend and honored to be able to write about it today at The Better Mom. Would you join me there?

xx Kristen

Something Beautiful Born of Something Buried

I buried my blog.  

Something in me has been stirring for a good long while- rumbling in my belly : A vision of rest. For the parched, for the weary, for my sisters who feel alone, for the ones who feel the squeeze of motherhood, the disillusion of a life that doesn't look quite like they thought it might, or maybe, like me, the hectic pace of a large city. We need water. We need a thirst quenched deep, and a tall glass just won't do. 

I buried my blog for a while to let my thoughts swirl and while it was underground I thought about just letting it go to seed- I thought about how I really want to spend my days, carry out my minutes, fill my home and I said out loud no less than a few times that I was done with this business of sharing my heart  with you all. I just craved quiet. 

And somehow in the interlude, in the place where my cries met God's beauty, he whispered that you just might need some quiet too. The very thing I was to create was the kind of place I desperately long for: a place where we can gather beauty together, where we can find safety to pause and inspire, to foster eyes that see the light... to remember who we truly are.

Kick your feet up and catch your breath. You are welcome here.

Here's a bit more about what I'm up to : About

Having a Ball- Cinderella on Broadway

Oh how I love a good fairytale! The girls and I had the chance to attend Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Cinderella on Broadway last week and had a ball! (Pun absolutely intended). I wasn’t really sure what to expect, since I’m mostly familiar with Disney’s animated version- and I always wonder what kind of effects will be brought to life on stage!

The show opened with a battle scene that was incredible and drew my girls in right away. It was certainly appealing to little boys in the audience as well, which I’m sure consoled all their mothers who had set them up to come to a Princess show. If you are a boy mom, your guys will love it, straight out of the gate!

The storyline had some serious heart: after being away at University, the Kindom’s Prince returns, naive to the plight of the poor in his kingdom. Cinderella not only delivers the plot we expect to see one stage (glass slipper, fairy godmother and happily ever after included) but also reveals a girl who has compassion on those who are undervalued or marginalized, as she is such, and who wants to lend her voice to restore the Kingdom’s kinder days. This Cinderella is not a passive princess, but a girl of action, using her charm to help her fellow villagers.

Maia and I snapping a photo at Intermission

Although the musical had substance, it was really just a whole lot of fun! This is a show that is unpredictable and entertaining for all ages! Certainly not a kids only show, parents will join their children in amazement for the on stage costume transformations and flying fairy god-mother, giggle quite a bit and likely tap their feet to tunes like “Possible” (my crew are still singing!)

I don’t know why I am always so surprised by the caliber of Broadway shows, but I continue to be stunned.  With a stream of Broadway revivals, somehow this show has really hit the mark.  The story really would have appealed to Jones just as much as it did the girls, with no lack of gusto from the male cast members. The show has struck a great balance between being light and fun, but also not quite as fluffy princess as I was expecting. Cinderella felt fresh, colorful, sharp and clever.

Meeting the Cast after the show- such a treat!We had a chance to meet the cast after the show as they fielded questions from bloggers and their children. They were so great with the kids, many of whom could not differentiate between their real lives and their characters. My favorite interaction was with a young girl who wanted to talk to the actress playing Cinderella’s stepmother about her bullying behavior- she wanted to be certain she was truly sorry! Precious.

The cast seemed to have a sweet comraderie together in real life- and they love their characters. I think their passion and warmth translate to the entire show- they really are enjoying themselves every night! You don’t want to miss them in action- definitely add Cinderella to your theatre must see if you live in or are traveling to New York. You can purchase tickets here.

Hope With Feathers was not compensated for this post, but did receive tickets to the show. As always, all opinions are my own. Thanks to The Moms for inviting us to join you!!

Childhood Nostalgia, Sparkles, Plaids and a Great Cause {Annie on Broadway!}

Growing up in a small town and not being one to excel in athletics (ahem), I fell in love with the theatre at a young age. There was just nothing like being backstage, butterflies all swirly in your stomach, mom, dad and grandparents waiting to see you on stage- so many hours of commraderie and silliness and really hard work coming together to tell a story for the packed house.

I was a newly minted eight year old when I sang and danced in the chorus for my first show- Annie. I knew every line, loved every minute and day-dreamed of New York in the 30s. My own kids have of course seen the movie (Singing It’s a Hard Knock Life is pretty much how they make through chore time!), but I never dreamed they’d be able to see it live on Broadway! 

What a treat when I learned it was being revived and that we were invited to see it in preview by our friends, The Moms. It was magical. My children loved seeing the story they knew so well brought to life in front of them- the scenes of New York, particularly, were excellent and a wonderful display for the coming holidays. We likely won’t make the Rockettes show this year, but felt that we’d been able to celebrate just the same with the festive atmosphere Annie provided.

My whole family agreed that Ms. Hannegan is still our favorite character (so full of life and sass!)- but the dog who played “Sandy” came in a close second! The show did run a bit long, so for very young children who would certainly love the show too, a matinee might be a good option unless you can sleep in the next day! There aren’t a lot of surprises or new twists, but for parents wanting to share the magic of a show they loved as children with their own kids, Annie is a must see. 

We were also so thrilled to be able to partner with The Children’s Place who were so kind to deck out the kids in some of their great new holiday fashions (think sparkles and plaids!) for the show!! It was all to bring attention to a cause The Children’s Place, The Moms and Annie on Broadway are investing in: The Pajama Program, an initiative to support and provide pajamas to underpriveldged children in our city. Theatre go-ers can take part in this program as well by bringing new pajamas with them to the show and using the drop off box in the lobby. What better way to respond to the “Annie’s” in our own city that to help them feel warm and cozy at bedtime this holiday?  All the information about the Pajama Program, Annie on Broadway and the newest holiday line from The Children’s Place can be seen in the reel above (including cameos by my own fab- four!)

Disclaimer:I was not paid for this post, however I was provided with tickets to Annie for review purposes and outfits for each of my children compliments of The Children’s Place. As always, all opinions are my own.